“The Parting” | Collage created in Germany, 2012
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of sea.
T.S. Eliot – “Little Gidding” (from Four Quartets)
How did you feel when Dr. Amy Williams broke the news that she had discovered the Kindertransport lists, sending you a copy of the page with the details of your date and place of birth and identity number?
Yesterday when the journalist asked me that question,
I answered,
Seeing the lists made me realize that my memories of isolation, loss, feeling bereft, cast adrift, were incomplete.
I had been part of a group. And this understanding of our togetherness only increased when grandchildren and great grandchildren of Kindertransport survivors talked with me on Zoom.
Their responses to the news seemed more intense than my own.
The lists laid to rest their doubts and questions about their parent’s escape and they embraced their roots with intensity.
Whereas for me the lists confirmed my own memories, they added to the little pile of yellowed documents stored in a box on the shelf.
Permission to leave Germany, 26 July, 1939
Permission to enter the United Kingdom, front
Permission to enter the United Kingdom, back
This morning I woke with the lists on my mind and I heard, half heard, in the stillness…the voice of the hidden waterfall…as I walked…through the unknown, remembered gate….
And I grieved. I made room for the typed columns of numbers and places to uncover the ache of my loss and dig deeper still to touch the agony of my parents.
Then between two waves of the sea there washed over me another different sensation.
Those trains that carried us children away from home and family into the unknown, were the vehicles of our rescue from danger and death.
The trains carried us to life.
The lists made by the Dutch Railways just before World War 2 began and found by Amy 86 years later were the evidence of our deliverance.
Gratitude spread through my heart.
And I reflect,
How have I lived this gifted life?
How shall I live the days left to me?
First morning in Kenilworth, England
Three Kindertransport children, I’m standing between Suse and Gretl
Photo shared by Suse’s daughter, Elaine.